“I don’t deserve to be happy.” “No one could possibly love me.” “I’m not good enough.” “I’ve made too many mistakes.” Have you ever heard anyone say these things? More importantly, have you ever said or thought them? Well I certainly have—and I suspect I’m not alone.
As singles, we spend quite a bit of time alone, isolated from others. Without the companionship of a spouse, or on the off weeks when our children are not with us, we shut ourselves up in our homes alone. We eat at restaurants alone, sit in church alone and go to the movies alone. We exercise alone with earphones shoved in our ears so no one bothers us.
During these “alone times,” what happens? If you’re like me, all sorts of crazy thoughts enter your mind.
Shortly after my divorce, I was in a new city with no kids, no job, no friends, no church, no support group of any sort. That is when the mental attacks started.
Speaking from my own experience, when we’re alone we start talking down to ourselves.
- Blaming ourselves for our isolation: “I have no one because no one cares about me.”
- Proclaiming ourselves failures: “It’s all my fault my marriage failed.”
- Convincing ourselves we’re not worthy of happiness: “I’ve made too many mistakes in my past; I don’t deserve to be happy.”
- Leading ourselves to believe God doesn’t care about us: “Since all the bad things in my life have happened, God must have allowed them—He must not love me or He is punishing me for who I am.”
- Sometimes, we even contemplate suicidal thoughts: “I can’t live like this—no one cares, so why should I?”
In addition to our self-defeatism, we have an enemy who doesn’t play fair, who attacks us in our weak moments and in our most vulnerable place.
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